R

I feel so horrible. I’ve always low key hated myself but my feelings are in full force lately. Last week I took a mental health day, thinking maybe I’m not getting enough rest. I felt a bit better after that day, and I could sense the improvement during work the next day.

But I spent yesterday with my boyfriend and it was fine and lovely but the minute I left him I felt so alone and abandoned like what the fuck is wrong with me why am I like this I realize how irrational this is but the feelings are still there. And the rational part of my brain says, “Tell this to him! It will help talking to someone you know and trust.” but then the other, more dominant side is saying “Why are you dumping all your problems on him? It shouldn’t be his burden, you’re just going to make things uncomfortable.” And he’s messaging me like everything’s fine and I couldn’t respond because something calm would have felt fake and lying and made me feel more isolated, and I couldn’t tell him what was going on with me because I’m psychotic and imbalanced and I hate myself.

I didn’t know what to do and I didn’t want to make him feel like I’m ignoring him and I just cried so hard last night and I feel like I can’t do anything right what is wrong with me

  1. grumpiestbi posted this